yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
