I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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