I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
