i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
