You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
