did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
