Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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