i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
