How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
