Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
