i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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