It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
