you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
