U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
