The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
