yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
