We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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