tell your sister to shave her snatch
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
