all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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