Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
