Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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