My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
