im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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