ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
