Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
