Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
