all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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