Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
