dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
