$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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