Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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