If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish i was in the wii world.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
