it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
