He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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