Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
