My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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