I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
