he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
