I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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