I have demons in me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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