never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
