Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
