He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
