This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
