if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
