You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
