I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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