Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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