Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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