Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my poor anus
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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