Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
