Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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