the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
